What We Heard About The Pressures Kids Face

As part of ethiKids’ foundational work, we conducted focus groups with children 8-11 year-olds and with their parents and teachers. These children were from rural, urban and varying socio-economic backgrounds. The focus group topics centered around four social spheres: School, Friends, Home and Activities. We asked open-ended questions to explore what was really on their minds in terms of pressures and ethical challenges. The comments below reflect areas of pressure and tension.

There were also numerous positive comments about all four social spheres, for example: School – “My teacher doesn’t yell a lot and does fun activities in the classroom – makes learning fun;” Friends – “My friends look out for me and stick up for me;” Activities – “My coach gives us a pep talk. In his eyes we’re the best;” and Home – “My parents are proud of me when I get compliments from other people about my behavior.” It is nice to know that they do notice and appreciate all the positive forces in their life.

The purpose of this document, however, is to give some insight into the pressures that are on their mind. The comments below capture the main themes.

SCHOOL

• Kids get teased because of who their friends are – if they don’t like someone.
• If one person doesn’t have enough money, they get teased. They laugh behind their backs or sometimes they’ll go up to them and laugh.
• Kids are teased if they are not fit – teased for being chunky, teased for being skinny.
• Kids are teased about their insecurities.
• Kids get in trouble for fighting, cursing, and throwing firecrackers in school. They get suspended for doing physical combat.
• A boy bought a pocketknife to school; he wasn’t doing anything with it. He just got suspended.
• If kids do something wrong, everyone notices them.
• If you are not walking with a group of people it is very hard. Sometimes you feel like people are not paying attention to you and you feel left out or lonely.
• The teacher puts you on the spot. When you don’t know what to do, tell the truth and say you weren’t listening.
• Cool kids don’t get good grades.
• Nobody wants to have the reputation of being a tattletale.

FRIENDS

• I told somebody a secret. They promised not to tell. Everybody found out and I got really mad because I trusted them. They betrayed me. They denied they said anything. We are not friends anymore.
• Sometimes people tell your secrets to other people. It makes them feel important.
• People will tease you if you’re not stylish enough. You feel pressure that people will like or not like you if you are not stylish. You should not judge people by how they look.
• My friend has a good heart, but is mean to me. She brought me a ring, but she can be mean to me.
• Most of the people who are mean have problems but they just can’t express it so they are being mean.
• Sometimes people become like the people they are with who are popular. So you want to act cool like them and then you can act mean too.
• You shouldn’t be friends with kids who get teased or bullied because you’ll get teased and bullied too.

HOME

• One time this girl pushed me. My dad told me to stick up for myself. They were disappointed that I didn’t.
• There’s a no yelling rule at my house. My mom does it all the time.
• My sister can be really annoying. She doesn’t respect my privacy or my space. She goes into my desk and whines.
• I don’t like things that are unfair. People don’t believe us because we’re little.
• When someone really deserves something and doesn’t get it, like on American Idol. Simon is one of those people who doesn’t care if he hurts people. Simon is doing what the kids complain about, people being mean. It’s his job.
• My brother is so scary. My parents’ rules are don’t kill each other – sometimes my parents leave me home alone with him. I tell my parents and they don’t believe me.
• I can’t watch MTV, but I do when my parents are gone.
• I don’t know if I’m allowed to watch MTV, and I’m not asking them!
• Some of my friends have cool cell phones. My parents have a rule that I can’t have one. I feel jealous and annoyed.

ACTIVITIES

• We were the youngest team, age-wise, and the shortest team. Intimidated. Lots of pressure, but at least we got a score close to winning.
• I can’t go to the park because there are too many drug dealers. They get kids to carry something to someone else for $20.
• My mom forces me to do piano.
• I’m over-busy, after school, before school, during school and on weekends.
• You just want to stop time. If you have too much going on and something is too hard, you just want to give up.
• My parents force me to do stuff, like ballet. I really don’t want to do it. My mom made me finish the semester.
• One time swimming, I came in 90th place. I didn’t care what place I came in. At least I tried.
• I feel torn when choosing people to be on my team.