Ethics in a Nutshell

Today I was thinking about a dear (and now passed) old friend whose words of wisdom for every situation were “No matter what, be kind.” Nonie, regardless of what was happening around her, modeled those words by showing grace and calm and sweetness. A quintessential southern lady. The older I get the more I’m convinced Nonie was right.

But I am struggling with the concept. What are the underlying values in the lesson? Is it about doing no harm? I can support that! Is it about being nice? Okay. I’m still with you. Is it compassion for the other guy? Got it! Agree with it!

So where is this uneasiness coming from? There’s a vestigial (perhaps) part of me that hears – be passive or don’t stand out or don’t expect what you deserve. I don’t like that part of me. If someone cuts in front of me in line, I boil. Then I think, relax Susan, there might be a reason those folks need to do that, so be kind. The boiling continues. But what about society? What if we devolve into a ruleless nation? So I try to speak up - kindly. I politely inform them about the rule, smile and then look back to my friend. They ignore me. Okay, now I’m angry. What would Nonie do?

I share this story because values can be so darned situational. Kindness - always important. Fairness – yes important too. (They didn’t just get in front of me – but in front of everyone behind me, after all.) Is there one right response? I don’t think so. The really tough part of all this is the internal battle – the constant wrestling with honoring competing values.

Kids face situations like this all the time too. Getting them ready – big job. What should I say to the person who cuts in front of me in line?