A Good Judge of Character

David Brooks, a columnist for the New York Times, recently wrote about the risk of trying to predict political primary outcomes based on positions on issues. He suggested that people are more likely making decisions based on character using subconscious interpretations of gestures and mannerisms. Watching candidates over time contributes to a sense of confidence (or not) in their trustworthiness.

I often write about values development and the challenges of growing kids with character. But too rarely have I looked at how character looks. How much can a face in action tell us about the character of the person behind it? It's a discussion worth having.

We are, by nature, social animals. Belonging matters. Getting along matters. Safety matters. From our days in the crib we learn about expressions and what they mean to us. At some point we can put together memories of dozens of facial movements we have seen to recognize shifty or mean or insincere. We learn to judge character or intentions quickly so we can protect ourselves or save our energies for the people we can trust. It may not be foolproof, but it is an essential tool in helping us navigate through stressful situations.

How do we help our kids develop that ability?

Must our kids be lied to in order to learn the minute tics and gestures associated with a liar? Must they see (and maybe behave) cowardly in order to know courage when they see it? Must they witness bias or racism to know its absence when they see it? How much can be learned from the safety of a book or movie or lesson presented by parent or teacher?

We all want our kids to be innocent but not naïve. Our challenge is to give them room to experience enough hits and hurts so they develop that subconscious ability to notice the patterns and indicators of people they can trust and people they cannot. It's a physical experience - not a vicarious one.

So, in the voting booth, we may be thinking about issues, but our subconscious trust meter is pulling the lever.